Before the Hard Conversation (Proverbs 20:18; 21:23)

One verse sets up the other

Proverbs 20:18 says to make plans by seeking advice and not to wage war without guidance. A chapter later, 21:23 says whoever guards their mouth and tongue keeps out of trouble. If you plan a conversation before you have it, you avoid a lot of calamity.

Mouth and tongue

Why does Solomon mention both? DeWayne's take: one is what you say, the other is how you say it. You can be 100 percent right and still lose the argument because of your tone, your timing, or the setting. Even after 27 years as a dad, he and his wife still talk through who should handle a hard conversation with one of their kids, and how.

Not about winning

One participant pointed to Proverbs 15:23: a timely word is a joy. Another said pride makes us want to win, but with the people we love, winning isn't the point. Boundaries delivered with gentleness are.

Try this

• Before your next difficult conversation, pray, then ask a trusted friend how to say it.
• Ask yourself whether you're trying to win or to help.