Three Questions Before You Speak (James 1:19-20)

Start with James

Ask where a new believer should start reading, and most people say John. DeWayne votes for James: five short chapters from Jesus' half-brother, who doesn't sugarcoat anything.

Quick, slow, slow

Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger. Start by listening to God, and listening to people follows. In sales they say you have two ears and one mouth for a reason. James said it first.

The household filter

Years ago a guest teacher at DeWayne's church boiled this passage down to three questions, and they ended up on the whiteboards at his office and in his kids' memories: - Does it need to be said? - Does it need to be said right now? - Does it need to be said by me?

With four daughters, DeWayne learned that some things never need saying, some need to wait until emotions cool, and some land better coming from Mom.

From the group

One man said 95 percent of his regrets were said in anger. Another quoted the old line: better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Try this

• Write the three questions where you'll see them before tough conversations.
• Before you reply to something that stings, wait and ask what you actually want to accomplish.